i want to see the pyramids. of Giza and Nubia. and the Sphinx.
i want to see Himalaya. and go to Tibet.
i want to see the Colossus of Rhodes. The Parthenon and the temple of Apollo. the wonders of the old world that already vanished in their glory.
i want to see Hagia Sophia. i want to see what Byzantium left us.
i want to see Angkor Wat.
i want to see Macchu Picchu and all the meso-americans glory.
i want to see penguins.
i want to see everything.
i want to travel the world.
i want to travel the time.
will you go with me?
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Friday, July 1, 2011
deadlock
i am a master student.
and i am currently on deadlock of my thesis.
and i lost interest on my topic.
and i am on denial.
and i should probably just die..
i'm on scholarship, so i have this moral obligation to finish my study..but oh well who am i kidding? maybe i'm just not as smart as i thought.
meanwhile, here's some happy tunes to keep us upbeat
..OR NOT!!
and i am currently on deadlock of my thesis.
and i lost interest on my topic.
and i am on denial.
and i should probably just die..
i'm on scholarship, so i have this moral obligation to finish my study..but oh well who am i kidding? maybe i'm just not as smart as i thought.
meanwhile, here's some happy tunes to keep us upbeat
..OR NOT!!
Monday, June 13, 2011
what is love?
last weekend i visited my bestfriend at Jakarta.
at some point, we talked about love.
well, don't all girls love to talked about love? ;)
and i asked her, what is love?
is it when we could explain why we love a person? when the pros outweigh the cons? and we could tell blatantly that we love a person because that person is kind, responsible, a hardworker, good-looking, share many interest and so on?
or is it when we couldn't explain why we love a person? despite the capital CONS, and we couldn't find a single explanation but because the feeling is just there, and we couldn't deny it, we couldn't pretend that it is not there, rooted deep in the corner of our heart, often the darkest one?
she argued that love is when we could explain why. that it is real and logical love. the feeling we couldn't explain is just lust. or persistence. or stubbornness.
but i said that love is when we couldn't explain why.
yet i don't have any argument to support my opinion. i couldn't explain why i think love is when we couldn't explain. maybe because we shouldn't think about love, we just have to feel it.
maybe because love is an instinct.
one friend of mine once told me "i only know what i feel"
and yes, me too only know what i feel..
is it?
at some point, we talked about love.
well, don't all girls love to talked about love? ;)
and i asked her, what is love?
is it when we could explain why we love a person? when the pros outweigh the cons? and we could tell blatantly that we love a person because that person is kind, responsible, a hardworker, good-looking, share many interest and so on?
or is it when we couldn't explain why we love a person? despite the capital CONS, and we couldn't find a single explanation but because the feeling is just there, and we couldn't deny it, we couldn't pretend that it is not there, rooted deep in the corner of our heart, often the darkest one?
she argued that love is when we could explain why. that it is real and logical love. the feeling we couldn't explain is just lust. or persistence. or stubbornness.
but i said that love is when we couldn't explain why.
yet i don't have any argument to support my opinion. i couldn't explain why i think love is when we couldn't explain. maybe because we shouldn't think about love, we just have to feel it.
maybe because love is an instinct.
one friend of mine once told me "i only know what i feel"
and yes, me too only know what i feel..
is it?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
crazy sad month
i haven't updated this blog for a very long time..not that anyone read this anyway, but i do feel the need to write.
this past month was very difficult for me and my family. and i feel depressed all the time that my family break apart. i love them, but it is soo painful to be put in the middle, do not want to take sides but everybody seems to expect me to solve their problems. as the only female in this family, as my mom passed away 5 years ago, i have became 'the glue' since then. but i am not sure i could do it any longer.
well..that's the thing about family..
and at the worst moments, i realized that i do not have any bestfriend. sure i have, but they are now scattered in different places, places i cannot go in a whim like i used to do. i am a lousy person in maintaining friendship. i am that friend who you could always call when you need me, but too afraid to call you because i always think that i might bother you. and that friend who couldn't bring myself to text you just to ask how your day, not because i do not care, i do care about all my friends, but i don't know..it's just me.. probably because i was raised in an environment where nobody ask about that sort of thing in daily basis (a.k.a my family). and i lose much of my friends in this fashion.
oh well.. i talked with my bf about this, and he said "but you have me..i am your bestfriend too.."
and for that, dear..thank you..i am lucky to have you in the middle of this chaos..
this past month was very difficult for me and my family. and i feel depressed all the time that my family break apart. i love them, but it is soo painful to be put in the middle, do not want to take sides but everybody seems to expect me to solve their problems. as the only female in this family, as my mom passed away 5 years ago, i have became 'the glue' since then. but i am not sure i could do it any longer.
well..that's the thing about family..
and at the worst moments, i realized that i do not have any bestfriend. sure i have, but they are now scattered in different places, places i cannot go in a whim like i used to do. i am a lousy person in maintaining friendship. i am that friend who you could always call when you need me, but too afraid to call you because i always think that i might bother you. and that friend who couldn't bring myself to text you just to ask how your day, not because i do not care, i do care about all my friends, but i don't know..it's just me.. probably because i was raised in an environment where nobody ask about that sort of thing in daily basis (a.k.a my family). and i lose much of my friends in this fashion.
oh well.. i talked with my bf about this, and he said "but you have me..i am your bestfriend too.."
and for that, dear..thank you..i am lucky to have you in the middle of this chaos..
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
blabbing blah blah blah
so i have this friend. he was my bf's best friend, and become one of mine too. he is a very kind and generous guy, and i really do care about him.
but i hate hate hate his attitude towards women.
i happened to know that he is a player. he was, is and maybe will always be. one of my best friends was fell victim to him many years ago. and since then, i never believe in him (in relation of women, of course). he used to chat with me about women, at nights via yahoo messenger. but i made it clear that i do not want, ever, help him stack more women in his charade.
just recently one of my friend was involved in a not-bf-gf-relationship-but-we-are-together sort of relationship with him. and it didn't go rainbows and unicorns. one of the reason it didn't work was his other women. i feel bad for her, but i know that she knew what she's get into. they were friends, in the same circle of friends, lovers and exes.
oh right, haven't i mention that our circle was so small basically everybody in some point taking turn dating with each other? i called it "the circle of evil". back when i was in college, i never dated anyone from my college, especially my faculty because of this. well i am now, but at least we were already graduated, so the circle was not that suffocating anymore. (but that circle of exes still haunts me sometimes..well, i'm only human.. an emo one in particular)
back to my friend's story. so she knew what was she's gotten into. and now she's hurt. and i feel sorry for her, but i can't understand, why she let herself in that position. i know she's quitting now, and i applaud her for that. i know that quitting on someone you love is never easy.
and my hatred of his attitude towards women getting worse. his actions lately so unspeakable, i feel hurt as a woman just to watch it. even if this mess did not involve my friends, i will still feel hurt and disgusted. i called him crazy one night, and he replied by saying "i never ask them to do anything" as he grinned, apparently he never think that what he did could hurt anyone. and i said, not only you, but those women are crazy too. and i stormed off.
as a woman, i hate him and his attitude. i hate his kind of man.
but as a friend, i do care about him. and sometimes i wonder if what he did was just because he haven't found that one woman he could really love. and i still wish that he will find her, and not too late.
as for you, girl..i wish you all the best, and you too, will find someone who really deserves you :)
and i feel very very lucky that i fell for my bf instead of him...
but i hate hate hate his attitude towards women.
i happened to know that he is a player. he was, is and maybe will always be. one of my best friends was fell victim to him many years ago. and since then, i never believe in him (in relation of women, of course). he used to chat with me about women, at nights via yahoo messenger. but i made it clear that i do not want, ever, help him stack more women in his charade.
just recently one of my friend was involved in a not-bf-gf-relationship-but-we-are-together sort of relationship with him. and it didn't go rainbows and unicorns. one of the reason it didn't work was his other women. i feel bad for her, but i know that she knew what she's get into. they were friends, in the same circle of friends, lovers and exes.
oh right, haven't i mention that our circle was so small basically everybody in some point taking turn dating with each other? i called it "the circle of evil". back when i was in college, i never dated anyone from my college, especially my faculty because of this. well i am now, but at least we were already graduated, so the circle was not that suffocating anymore. (but that circle of exes still haunts me sometimes..well, i'm only human.. an emo one in particular)
back to my friend's story. so she knew what was she's gotten into. and now she's hurt. and i feel sorry for her, but i can't understand, why she let herself in that position. i know she's quitting now, and i applaud her for that. i know that quitting on someone you love is never easy.
and my hatred of his attitude towards women getting worse. his actions lately so unspeakable, i feel hurt as a woman just to watch it. even if this mess did not involve my friends, i will still feel hurt and disgusted. i called him crazy one night, and he replied by saying "i never ask them to do anything" as he grinned, apparently he never think that what he did could hurt anyone. and i said, not only you, but those women are crazy too. and i stormed off.
as a woman, i hate him and his attitude. i hate his kind of man.
but as a friend, i do care about him. and sometimes i wonder if what he did was just because he haven't found that one woman he could really love. and i still wish that he will find her, and not too late.
as for you, girl..i wish you all the best, and you too, will find someone who really deserves you :)
and i feel very very lucky that i fell for my bf instead of him...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
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