crazy sad month

i haven't updated this blog for a very long time..not that anyone read this anyway, but i do feel the need to write.
this past month was very difficult for me and my family. and i feel depressed all the time that my family break apart. i love them, but it is soo painful to be put in the middle, do not want to take sides but everybody seems to expect me to solve their problems. as the only female in this family, as my mom passed away 5 years ago, i have became 'the glue' since then. but i am not sure i could do it any longer.
well..that's the thing about family..
and at the worst moments, i realized that i do not have any bestfriend. sure i have, but they are now scattered in different places, places i cannot go in a whim like i used to do. i am a lousy person in maintaining friendship. i am that friend who you could always call when you need me, but too afraid to call you because i always think that i might bother you. and that friend who couldn't bring myself to text you just to ask how your day, not because i do not care, i do care about all my friends, but i don't know..it's just me.. probably because i was raised in an environment where nobody ask about that sort of thing in daily basis (a.k.a my family). and i lose much of my friends in this fashion.

oh well.. i talked with my bf about this, and he said "but you have me..i am your bestfriend too.."
and for that, dear..thank you..i am lucky to have you in the middle of this chaos..

blabbing blah blah blah

so i have this friend. he was my bf's best friend, and become one of mine too. he is a very kind and generous guy, and i really do care about him.

but i hate hate hate his attitude towards women.

i happened to know that he is a player. he was, is and maybe will always be. one of my best friends was fell victim to him many years ago. and since then, i never believe in him (in relation of women, of course). he used to chat with me about women, at nights via yahoo messenger. but i made it clear that i do not want, ever, help him stack more women in his charade.

just recently one of my friend was involved in a not-bf-gf-relationship-but-we-are-together sort of relationship with him. and it didn't go rainbows and unicorns. one of the reason it didn't work was his other women. i feel bad for her, but i know that she knew what she's get into. they were friends, in the same circle of friends, lovers and exes.

oh right, haven't i mention that our circle was so small basically everybody in some point taking turn dating with each other? i called it "the circle of evil". back when i was in college, i never dated anyone from my college, especially my faculty because of this. well i am now, but at least we were already graduated, so the circle was not that suffocating anymore. (but that circle of exes still haunts me sometimes..well, i'm only human.. an emo one in particular)

back to my friend's story. so she knew what was she's gotten into. and now she's hurt. and i feel sorry for her, but i can't understand, why she let herself in that position. i know she's quitting now, and i applaud her for that. i know that quitting on someone you love is never easy.

and my hatred of his attitude towards women getting worse. his actions lately so unspeakable, i feel hurt as a woman just to watch it. even if this mess did not involve my friends, i will still feel hurt and disgusted. i called him crazy one night, and he replied by saying "i never ask them to do anything" as he grinned, apparently he never think that what he did could hurt anyone. and i said, not only you, but those women are crazy too. and i stormed off.

as a woman, i hate him and his attitude. i hate his kind of man.
but as a friend, i do care about him. and sometimes i wonder if what he did was just because he haven't found that one woman he could really love. and i still wish that he will find her, and not too late.

as for you, girl..i wish you all the best, and you too, will find someone who really deserves you :)

and i feel very very lucky that i fell for my bf instead of him...

i wonder how life would be..

..if Mom is still here..

we miss you, Mom..we're lost without you..

catch up

i was paying my internet bill late this month, so it was cut off for several days, and i was too occupied last week, i forgot to upload pictures from events..

my bf solo exhibition in Platform3, Jl. Cigadung Raya Barat no.2, Bandung. the exhibition is held from November 21st to December 19th. do come :)


the artist talk proved to be quite interesting, with lots of questions about the concept and the word 'critical'. probably because i followed him in the process of creating his art, i don't get why ppl don't get it. the funniest comment though, when a local artist linked the artworks to an old concept of 'critical' where it involved spikes and barb wires (hahaha..it becomes running jokes of the month). and the same local artist, out of nowhere made comments about gender equality in Islam. ..which is, nothing to do with the artwork..

Manik's wedding

Manik is my best friend from college, my partner in crime. finally she's getting married! it was unbelievable at first, because if you know her, she doesn't seem like the type who will get married quickly. not very quickly though.. she used to be the master of the art of flirting ;)
anyway, i haven't get any pics from her wedding reception, but i had this afterparty with my friends from college at Honeymoon Dessert. a very fun night, i look forward for another night together with you guys :)

it's not a fight

it's not that i blamed you

it's not that i'm perfect

it's not that i'm better

it's just that i might not the best

it's just that i feel pain

and it's just won't go away

oh dear i love you

but we might not strong enough

...do i really need a reason to feel pain?

pizza, wine, pasta and waffle

..what a full day!
today is the bf's 28th birthday and loads of events we needed to attend.

first is my bestfriend enna's wedding

this is meee..pardon the photo quality :p
interesting way to wear your batik and so simple!

and then the bf's presentation for his solo exhibition at Platform, next week. apparently today is also Platform's 1st birthday, so we had some pizza, salad and wine there. yummy.. :)

AND after that, we went to Nanny's Pavilion since the bf has cravings for waffle and ice cream (and myself, some creamy pasta :D)

the birthday boy :)

a full day indeed, so happy today

yay, second post!

i spent my evening watching TV, and working past midnight. it becomes a habit for me, even if the consequences is to wake up late evveerryy morning. my brain just seems to be clearer at night.

sooo, i watched this British TV series, Being Human. the series itself is entertaining, but the most entertaining of all.. Aidan Turner




so hot!
just the right amount of cuteness and bad-boyness (is that even a word?? haha, pardon me, i'm indonesian :p)

a breeze of warm air after i got caught in the rain in my motorbike :D

image from rechthaber