i haven't updated this blog for a very long time..not that anyone read this anyway, but i do feel the need to write.
this past month was very difficult for me and my family. and i feel depressed all the time that my family break apart. i love them, but it is soo painful to be put in the middle, do not want to take sides but everybody seems to expect me to solve their problems. as the only female in this family, as my mom passed away 5 years ago, i have became 'the glue' since then. but i am not sure i could do it any longer.
well..that's the thing about family..
and at the worst moments, i realized that i do not have any bestfriend. sure i have, but they are now scattered in different places, places i cannot go in a whim like i used to do. i am a lousy person in maintaining friendship. i am that friend who you could always call when you need me, but too afraid to call you because i always think that i might bother you. and that friend who couldn't bring myself to text you just to ask how your day, not because i do not care, i do care about all my friends, but i don't know..it's just me.. probably because i was raised in an environment where nobody ask about that sort of thing in daily basis (a.k.a my family). and i lose much of my friends in this fashion.
oh well.. i talked with my bf about this, and he said "but you have me..i am your bestfriend too.."
and for that, dear..thank you..i am lucky to have you in the middle of this chaos..
